Saturday, January 7, 2012

Dear Friends...THIS is why I BLOG...

Bonjour from Campagne Maison

As we progress into 2012, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS by email now that  rat poo is in the glue on envelopes making it necessary to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

THANKS TO YOU I can't use any one's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .

Oh, and by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

AND, YES...I received every bit of this information via email!!
Thanks for stopping by the farmhouse for a visit today! We love having company.

Au revoir,

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Bonne Annee from Campagne Maison

Bonjour et Bonne Annee from Campagne Maison

I am sharing great news with all of you today! "The Parisienne Farmgirl" is launching an online quarterly magazine that will debut in April 2012. She is super excited about this announcement and is hosting a very, very generous give-away for everyone to enter. Please hurry on over to her blog for all the details and for sign up information!

Be sure to subscribe to the magazine. I did and I am super excited and eagerly awaiting the first issue!!


Our humble little farmhouse is situated about five miles off interstate Hwy 75, in the beautiful Sweetwater Valley of East TN. Almost exactly midway between Knoxville and Chattanooga, downtown Sweetwater oozes with history and features many antique and specialty shops nestled alongside family owned and operated businesses. As a former Main Street director, I can attest that this town is the epitome of what the National Trust for Historic Preservation's Main Street REhabilitation program stands for!

No, my cottage is not a French chateau and to my knowlege, has no history of French heritage. In fact, she sits 4300 miles from the French countryside, built from lumber that was hewn by hand, on-sight, from trees that were cleared from the hillside almost 100 years ago. She has housed several  families and undergone several REnovations--some good, some bad! But she is filled with a history of hard working people who raised their families to have strong work ethics, strict morals and a desire to contribute to the growth of their community and to society. They desired what I--like you, desire--a home that bids all to enter, "sit a spell", and put a great distance from the hustle and bustle of  LIFE!

Even though it meant selling our home and RElocating over 400 miles away from our children, grandchildren, and friends, we felt compelled and destined to become the caretakers of this property. I knew immediately that she was to become our home in the country, our "Campagne Maison".  I just knew, that I knew, that I knew!!  Even though health issues and budget constraints are making our progress slower than we initially expected,  it is still a "good" satisfying progress. Besides, our work, like life, is going to always be a work in-progress!

As I continue to share my REmodeling adventures with many of you this coming year, I look forward to seeing what inspirations that I receive from reading your blogs and hope that I return a few to you as well! 

Thanks for stopping by the farmhouse for a visit today! We love having company.

Au revoir,